I am Superwoman this morning.  I have super powers and can conquer the world this morning.  Watch out world-here I come!

Can you tell I got sleep last night? 5.5 wonderful hours of sleep.  Right now, the magic formula seems to be yoga, stair step, heat packs on my back, the herbal stuff from Target, Sleepytime tea around 8pm, and a fan running full blast on the bed at night.  I went to bed around 10pm and woke up at 3:30 this morning.  I have to admit that, after getting up at 2am for the past week, I already feel like I’m getting a late start on my day.  Especially with this heat, I haven’t minded getting up so early to start laundry and stuff while the house is as cool as its going to get.  But I am a very happy camper this morning.

Sam and I went to see “Expendables 2″ yesterday.  I’m glad we went together, because we ended up having a lovely time.  The movie?  Second best movie I’ve seen this summer.  Its actually pretty darned funny.  And after the first Chuck Norris scene, I whispered to Sam, “can I stand up and just start clapping?”  I got a hand clamped down on my arm to keep me in my seat.  What made it even more fun was that we had a really good crowd in the theater who enjoyed it just as much as we did.  I’m planning to go see it again as soon as I can.  After the movie, we went to guest services and got our tickets to see “Raiders of the Lost Ark” in IMAX on 9/8.  They are doing a marathon of all the movies which I would have loved to go to, but with all of Sam’s band stuff going on, he couldn’t commit to spending seven hours in a movie theater right now.  Then we went out to our favorite Greek restaurant for lunch and more air conditioning while we did our standard movie debriefing.

The heat wave continues.  11 fans running yesterday.  Its suppose to start cooling down a degree a day according to the weather wizards.  The pets are really feeling it.  I froze in the theater yesterday, but it felt good.  I was taking out the trash around 5pm yesterday and my neighbor popped out.  We decided it was too hot in our houses and ended up on the patio for a couple of hours drinking icy cold water and munching on cold strawberries for dinner.  There was a nice breeze there.  It was even too hot to sit on the deck-no breeze there.

Sam actually talked quite a bit about the Mandie situation yesterday.  I asked him if he had held Tristan and he said yes, once, because he got dumped in Sam’s arms.  I told him that I got it.  Sam has never been around a baby and, to him, Tristan is just a baby right now.  I told him not to worry, in a couple of years Baby T is going to be a lot of fun to be around and he will enjoy him.  I guess Andie is in a good frame of mind right now and they are really getting along.  I told Sam this makes me very happy to hear and it does.  What I didn’t say was that I’ve seen her go through these periods-they last about 2 to 3 weeks.  I’d get really optimistic and then something would set her off again.  I hope, for Tristan’s sake, that this will last. I know that all relationships have their ups and downs.  Yet, not to the extremes like I got to witness for the year that they lived here with me.  But I can’t help but wonder if part of the reason things are going well is that I’m out of the picture.  I still feel, at this time, me keeping my distance is the best thing I can do-no matter how hard it is.  Okay, enough of that.

Going to start my laundry and do my yoga before the sun comes up and starts warming things up again.  I’ve got a couple of errands to run this morning.  I’m going to see if I can get my hair cut somewhere, since Andie is out of that picture.  I’m thinking about heading over to Sea World this afternoon.  I really want to go play with my new camera and I can only take so many pictures of the cats.  Sam has ADD, so doing things like amusement parks with him is kind of like doing it on fast forward.  He can’t sit through shows, we look at something for a few minutes and then he wants to move on.  I want to go stand and stare at the jelly fish and sea horses in the air conditioning for a while-now that’s relaxing!

I guess Sea World would frown if I tried to bring in a lounge chair and make myself comfortable for a while.

It may be hot here, but not hot enough for me to sit in the front row of Shamu stadium and get hit with 32 degree water.  I did enough of that when the boys were little and that is not relaxing.  But I will sit up at the top and catch a much needed breeze.

And the heat continues….I did turn off all the fans except for the ceiling fans for 1/2 an hour this morning around 4am.  I was really craving a silent house for just a little while.  We may get a break around Thursday.  All I can do is deal with it.  The cats are becoming fan hogs.  I’ve got about 4 on the floor through out the house for the pets.  I gave Buk a bath yesterday simply to cool him down for a little while.  He was so cute marching around in the cool water in the tub.

I slept from midnight until about 3:30am.  I’m good if I can get at least 3 hours of sleep.  I think I could get more now, if only it would cool down a little.  Just wait until winter and I start complaining about the cold.

I did my yoga yesterday morning and then was out of the house at 6am, Hollywood Reporter magazine under my arm.  At 6:05 I walked through the doors of my favorite breakfast place and enjoyed a lovely breakfast and 45 minutes of reading.  I’m really getting excited about the Emmy race-I want “American Horror Story” to kick butt!  Came home to grab Buk and a short grocery list at 7am.  Took him for a 20 minute walk and then grocery shopped.  We were home by 8am, just as it started getting really warm outside.  I wanted to cook dinner-its been too hot to cook this week.  So I had grabbed a roast at the store and tossed it in my crock pot for the day.  Another one of my brilliant ideas!  I did what I could around the house-fan count reached 11 by 2pm.  I figured it was movie time so I put on my “Expendables” dvd.

That movie is so darn fun!  I did some research on the new one.  Going to see it today. I would love Sam to go with me, but feel like a bad mom because a part of me doesn’t want him to go.  If he doesn’t, I can hit the Target in the mall and also have an early dinner at a restaurant that he doesn’t care for and I love.  Plus I got another Hollywood Reporter yesterday that I could dive into while I eat.  Like watching dvd’s during the day, I also feel guilty if I just sit and read.  I feel I can justify it if I’m at a restaurant.  I’m weird.

Anyway, a third “Expendables” is already in the works.  It will be the same cast as number 2 (oh no, I’m having a “Friends” moment-I just said number 2), but Stalone is approaching about five more heavy hitters to add to it.  Like Clint Eastwood!  If they can pull off number 3, that will be the most amazing ensemble that has ever been cast before.  I’m going to be following this one closely.

I got all my fall/winter movie release dates up on my wall calendar-we’ve got some really good ones coming out.  A couple of them I’ve been tracking since they made their first appearance at the Sundance Film Festival in January.  Okay, movie queen will shut up now-she can really get quite obnoxious.

Sam’s gig Friday night went really well and everyone showed up who said they were coming to see him play.  If it hadn’t been downtown, I would have gone.  But I hate driving downtown with all the traffic and one way streets on a Friday night.  I will try to go to his next one.  He was in and out of the house all day and evening.  But sometimes I enjoy having the house all to myself for a while.

More yoga and Buk walking early this morning is planned.  I’m also going to try to get the patio cleaned up before it starts getting too hot.  I was out there last night because it was cooler than inside.  While watching all the solar lights come on, I realized the whole thing needs a good cleaning.  Its almost like I added on another room to the house but I enjoy it so much!

Saw a picture on Facebook last night of Matt wearing a front carrier with Tristan in it.  Tristan is so small that all you can see are his arms and legs sticking out-no head.  It was so darned cute!

At least I didn’t hear from the ex again yesterday.

So, overall, it was a pretty good day.  The sun is going to be up in a few minutes-time to get busy.

I got 4  hours of sleep!  I think the combination of the aromatherapy/herbal stuff/lavender heat packs did help last night.  I’m going to do the same again tonight.  I also did some yoga this morning and, if its not a bazillion degrees in the living room tonight, will do some more.  My active campaign to de-stress my life on a day-to-day basis is also helping.  Didn’t hear from the ex at all yesterday, which is a wonderful thing. My neighbor and I had, what we laughingly call, a “back and forth day” yesterday.  We were in and out of each other’s houses all day.  We’d each work around the house for a couple of hours and then take a much-needed ice water break and talk for a while.

The Mandie situation continues.  I’ve heard nothing.  Another picture of Tristan popped up on the Internet yesterday which I was very grateful for.  He looks exactly like Matt did at the same age.  The situation is what it is, and I feel the best thing I can do is respect the distance they feel is needed. And what I mean by that is Andie doesn’t want me to see Matt or Tristan.  I’m sure Matt would hear about it if he brought Tristan over to see me.  I want things to go as smoothly as possible for them right now, so that’s the last thing I want to happen.  I guess the landlord found out about the kitten and is threatening to give them a 3 day notice to get out.  What complicates things even further is that the landlord is Andie’s aunt.  Sam and I talked about it a little yesterday, and we both keep saying the same thing-they knew they weren’t suppose to have pets when they moved in there, which is why Buk is with us.

My first load of laundry went in at 2:30am.  I’m trying to do an early morning load every day to run the dryer as little as possible.  I noticed yesterday that all 4 pets are feeling the effects of the heat-I feel I live in fan city and am craving total silence in the house.

Last night I continued my “Allie McBeal” marathon.  I have the first 3 seasons and am on season 2.  Wonderfully written, stellar cast, and it makes me laugh-I can’t ask for anything more right now. I really am loving being back in the world of “Fishisms”, “bygones”, and “taking a moment”.   Since I’m up so early, I’m getting an early start on my “to do” list.  I plan to take Buk and go to the grocery store around 6:30am while its still cool.  The boy loves his bye-byes.  I should be done with everything by early afternoon.  Then I’m going to watch “The Expendables” to get ready to see the second one tomorrow.  I always feel guilty if I watch a dv during the day-like I should be doing housework or something productive.

I realized yesterday that, in exactly 2 months, I will be spending 3 days at Disneyland.  So I have 2 months to get into fighting shape.  The first day I will have Sam with me, so I’m not worried about that.  But the next two days will be my solo days.  However, they are really good about helping you on and off the rides.  That is still a little difficult for me.  But I know the yoga and walking will help.  Next week I’ll start back on my stair step machine.  Every so often I come up with, what I consider, a brilliant idea.  Instead of trying to put money aside for my trip, when I get $25 in my Disneyland Fund bucket (it lives on my dining room table), the next time I go to the grocery store, I grab a Disney gift card for that amount.  That way I can’t spend the money on anything else-I already have enough to get Sam and I in the first day and all our meals/snacks!

I worked with my new camera yesterday and am getting used to it.  I think I’m going to go to Sea World one afternoon this next week and just shoot.  My next technological goal will be to upload the software to transfer the pictures to my computer.  There may be a lot of swearing when that happens, but I’m confident I can do it.  After all, I did become friends with my iPhone and I would have laughed hysterically at you six months ago if you told me I’d be using one.

I have a new Twitter crush-Bruce Campbell.  He’s made some movies and now is on “Burn Notice”.  Plus, the man looks fine in a kilt. I also follow another actor, Patton Oswald, who is in Florida right now filming an episode of “Burn Notice”.  They tweet back and forth all day and it cracks me up!  Yesterday, Patton Oswald tweeted that, at 7am, Bruce Campbell was blasting Tom Jones songs in his trailer.  When he referenced “Delilah”, I couldn’t stop laughing for 30 minutes.  My mom was a huge Tom Jones fan and I actually know the words to most of his songs.  I loved my mother dearly, but feel the woman emotionally scarred me as far as that goes.

Crap, now “What’s New Pussycat” is stuck in my head.  Time to put the iPod headphones on and take care of that with a little Katy Perry! Otherwise I’m going to go through the house singing it to the cats.  Sam doesn’t allow me to sing in the house-I am seriously the tuneless wonder.

I’m in a not sleeping phase again.  I think stress has a lot to do with it plus the heat doesn’t help.  Sam has a gig tonight, so I’ll have the house to myself and am planning an aromatherapy evening.  I’ve gotten 2 hours of sleep each night for the last 3 nights.  I need to run some errands today, but am going to put them off until tomorrow-I don’t need to be driving a car today.

Sam and I went to Sea World Tuesday night and had a lovely time!  For $5 more, I got the pass that is good until the end of the year.  I enjoy going to the shows and going on the rides which Sam doesn’t.  Its only 10 minutes away from the house, so I can run over and spend a few hours.  Who knows-with this heat I just may take the pets and go move in with the penguins for a few days!

The ex has finally left for his cruise.  Monday he kept calling me and yelling at me when I’d return his call.  Tuesday was emails all day.  Yesterday was text messages.  But he is finally on that darned boat and gone for 10 wonderful days.

I got an early start on my day (which is possible when you get up at 4am), so all I have left to do today is paperwork and some kitchen stuff.  I’m going to watch the first “Expendables” today or tomorrow and will go see the second one on Sunday.  I also need to figure out how to use my new camera.  I’m going to do what I did with my iPhone-only ask complete strangers or people who don’t share my last name and learn how to do it on my own.

And I scared the crap out of myself this morning.  I watched a 10 second clip from the upcoming season of “American Horror Story-Asylum”.  I love that show-its tied with “Mad Men” for 17 Emmy nominations!  Its so well done.  I just have to follow my rules I made last year for watching it.  It must be watched on the small screen on my computer during the day before 3pm and someone must be in the house with me while I watch it.  

Sometimes I even do the looking-down-shaking-head thing that the boys do to me to myself…..

And another hot day.

I refuse to say I’m sweating, I’m glowing.

My neighbor across the street has air conditioning.  I just glare at them from across cul de saq.

At one point yesterday I had 11 fans going.

Not doing a Mandie post at all today-today will be a great day.  I said so.  In spite of no sleep.

Sam has band stuff all day.  And then we are going to Sea World!  I’m so excited.  Summer amusement park backpack is out and ready to be loaded (turquoise leopard print cotton).  I’m hoping we can see lightning in the distance tonight.  I can stare at the big aquariums for hours and find them so relaxing….and then Sam picks me up by one arm and physically moves me out of there.  And we get to go on the sky tower.  I’m just so darned happy.  My son needs a good time tonight and I will give it to him.  Of course, the inner Leopardditz wants to climb up the rope nets and run though the tunnels.  We will see.  Better than being in a hospital bed with a bed pan in my living room a year ago.

I bought a new camera yesterday.  Swore Sam to secrecy.  He only showed me how to charge it.  Honestly, I worked on that for 2 hours.  I’m going to try to use it tonight.  But a lense jumps out at me and it makes noises which startle me.  I keep telling myself that if I can figure out how to use an iPhone, I can conquer this.  Give me a week.

Its “Expendables” week!  Sam says he has band stuff so can’t go to the first showing with me on Friday.  That’s okay. Me and the fanboys will be cheering when its over and I will love it!

I don’t even know where to start.

Lets just do this bullet format…

-Sam and I saw the new “Bourne” movie yesterday.  Blown away by the last chase scene.  Amazing free running and editing.  So glad we got to see it on a big screen.   And the jokes about Samuel L. Jackson on the drive there?  Priceless. A moment locked away in my heart.

-Mandie drama during movie previews with the ex.  He’s now using Tristan as a tool to get me back.  I’d love to drop him off at the cruise ship on Wednesday with his girlfriend just to get him off the continental US and away from me for 10 days.

-Social media.  I hate it and I love it.  I just started posting on something and Matt responded to it.  It was like a pathetic hug but I will take it.

-Mandie?  leaving that alone for a couple of days.  I know what I want to do to make it better.  Good news it that Matt and Sam are okay again.  And Sam okay’ed my new plan.  Give me and them some time.  The thing is that Sam and Matt are my only family.  No parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins….dead or haven’t been speaking to us for 25 years. *note to self-stop and move on*

-got 6 hours of sleep last night!  Herbal remedies are working and I’ll go with it.

-Sam and I have a Sea World date tomorrow afternoon and evening.  I may have to ditch him to go on one mild roller coaster-I need the scream therapy as I call it.  But we will have a wonderful time.  This week is Sam week.  Yes, Matt moved in last year to help take are of me.  And then continued working because its his busy time of the year.  Sam was stuck with measuring over 25 pills a day, emptying bedpans, calling the ambulance when I fell-I owe the boy a good week because I love him and am so grateful.

-I did a bad, bad thing today.  I bought a new camera.  In my world with Matt Leopardditz extrodinare (as Sam and I call him).?  My camera had died.  I went and bought a very cheap camera that would do what I wanted it to do. I learned how to use my iphone on my own and easier than having the boys explain it to me.  Matt has told me in the past that I can shoot.  That I have “the eye”, as he calls it.  I even gave him photo credit (which doesn’t matter to me) on a shot I did 4 years ago.  It drives Sam crazy when I start shooting.  I understand.  (but if I picked up a guitar, he’d be okay with that)  I’ll take tonight and get familiar with it.  Shoot a little tomorrow night when I can.  And I swore Sam to secrecy that he wouldn’t tell Matt I went and got a new camera.

-I did a good thing today.  And I’m not patting myself on the back-I don’t do this.  Maybe I need to explain this because of feeling like the bad guy in the Mandie situation.  My neighbor is really going through a bad time and I’m trying to be there for her.  Every Monday I buy myself fresh flowers for the breakfast bar.  $10 and I get my enjoyment out of them.  This week I bought myself a beautiful arrangement that was on sale with a lovely vase-$9.00.  My neighbor texted me about what was happening in her life today.  I have a key to her house. Guess who will walk in to a beautiful sunflower arrangement when she walks in-she needed it more this week then I did.  I’ve always taught my boys-do one good deed for someone every day.

And its even better if they don’t know you did it for them.

And its going to be even hotter today.  My first load of laundry went in at 4:30 this morning so I won’t have to run the dryer after 8am.  Yesterday at one point, I had seven fans running throughout the house.  My main concern is to keep the pets as comfortable as possible.  Buk and Timber seem to be handling the heat okay, but its the other two cats that are not happy.  Leon the Maine Coon has a gigantic long hair coat and is living under my bed with his own personal fan.  Neko, my little girl cat is, as one friend puts it, dumber than a rock but oh so pretty.  However, she has surprised me by figuring out how to hog the fan I have pointed directly at my bed.  Buk and I were out the door by 6:30am yesterday to hit the grocery store.  I was out in the yard by 7:30am to water, etc.  It was still nice and cool out there and very enjoyable, so I think that is my plan of attack again today.  The wonderful thing about hitting the grocery store that early?  The bakery was just putting out bagels fresh from the oven.  I used my ninja skills and managed to snag a still warm one off of one the pan that were sitting out unattended.  Breakfast was positively delightful!

My neighbor and I did some patio time yesterday afternoon.  It was a nice break and we had a lovely breeze for about 15 minutes. She said she loves being able to come and go in my backyard whenever she sees me out and is going to really miss that when she has to move. I’m so glad I got wicker patio chairs with foot stools-perfect for putting feet up!  Sam and I are hitting the movie theater midmorning to see the new “Bourne” movie.  I do love Jeremy Renner and have followed his career since “The Hurt Locker”.  Of course, I love my movie time.  But that means I’m going to miss the closing ceremony for the Olympics and had wanted to see The Who play.  I’ll probably be able to find it tomorrow on You Tube.

I got my weekly Hollywood magazine reading caught up in between cleaning out cabinets.  Have faithfully recorded all the fall/winter movie release dates on my calendars.  Putting another Oscar prediction out there-Ben Affleck will be nominated for Best Director for “Argo”.  That movie looks amazing and we are very excited about it!  Kathryn Bigelow who won for “The Hurt Locker” will not have a chance with her new Osama Bin Laden movie-waaaaaay too controversial.  

I heard from the ex yesterday who I am now relying on getting my Tristan updates from.  Andie and Tristan came home from the hospital Friday.  Matt is doing bottle duty every two hours.  The ex sent me a picture of him holding Tristan and Baby T (my nickname for him!) looks just like Matt when he was a baby.  Matt posted a picture of Tristan’s first bath in Instagram last night.  I’m taking every little tidbit about the boy that I can. When I was up and down last night, I kept looking at the clock and wondering if Matt was up, bottle in had. And that’s enough of that before I start crying.

I think I may have hit on a magic formula for sleeping!  I got a total of 4 hours last night-not all at once, but I take what I can get.  I got back on the stair step machine (exerise!) yesterday, this herbal supplement stuff I found at Target and a big cup of Sleepytime tea before bed.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

The ex leaves on a 10 day cruise on Wednesday.  He was dropping very broad hints about me going over every day to take care of his yard.  Since he lives in the house that I used to live in, I got real stupid.  For years I took care of the sunpots and hanging plants.  It would take me an hour and a half every day to water them.  I now have my own yard to take care of.  Me doing things like that is not in the Marital Separation Agreement that was final 4/25/05.  Like I said, I got real stupid and didn’t pick up on any of his hints.  Doing stuff like that isn’t my job and not my problem.

Sam and I are definitely going to Sea World for an afternoon/evening this week.  I checked ticket pricing on line and they are talking about a Southern California pass that only cost $5 more than an admission ticket and is good until the end of the year.  I want to know what the catch is.  If its true, I’m getting Sam and I one.  He likes to go and I’m very content going for a few hours every few weeks by myself.  All that walking is good exercise and I can go see the shows and ride the roller coaster which are things that Sam refuses to do.  So it could potentially be a win/win situation.  Plus, they now have snow at Christmas time.  I would find it very funny to throw a snowball at Sam while a sea gull is flying directly over.

I’m pretty sure its obvious by now I have a warped sense of humor.

But I would get a giggle out of it!

Time to go turn on a couple more fans……

And life goes on…..

Its been a really rough week.  Between Matt and Sam’s huge fight ending with the spitting incident Sunday, Matt confronting me on Monday, the horrible experience at the hospital on Wednesday-but the truly shining moment was holding Tristan in my arms and watching him trying to figure out how to do the “put his fingers in his mouth” thing.

Its been really hot here.  With everything that had happened, I took a couple of days off.  Vegged out in front of the tv with fans running throughout the house.  Was rarely without one of my heat packs for my back.

Today I am ready to get back to my life.

I don’t know what is going on with Mandie.  The ex told me yesterday morning that Andie and Tristan were suppose to come home yesterday.  I don’t know if that happened.  I am able to figure out a little from posts on Instagram.  At least Tristan is okay and that’s all that matters.  I’m just going to give this whole situation the only thing I can at this point-time.  Sam hasn’t heard from Matt or met Tristan yet.  I know this has been hard on him.  ”The Expendables 2″ could not be coming out at a more perfect time for us-nothing like a movie that like to cheer us up.  I’m going to watch the first one again today.

I need to catch up on stuff around the house.  Make an early morning grocery store run before it gets too hot.  We are suppose to get a break in the weather on Monday or Tuesday.  I’m trying to keep all the pets as comfortable as possible.  I’m getting about 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night right now.  I got back on my stair step machine.  I’m doing everything I can for stress management.  At least Sam hasn’t started complaining about the lavender yet-who knows, maybe he kind of likes the smell.

I do have to say one thing.  I haven’t been on the computer at all since Wednesday.  Getting back on Xanga this morning was kind of like wrapping a warm blanket of comfort around me.  And it felt good.

I just woke up.  Got 3 hours of sleep.  Her cousin (Sam’s best friend) is here.  The ex is going back to the hospital tonight.  I told him to take flowers.  All I know is she hates me and I got the black belt of silence while Matt put Tristan in my arms.  I kept trying to tell him and the ex I didn’t want to go into the room-I wasn’t wanted there.  They physically made me go in there.

I did everything I could.  I was nice. I was cordial as I was asked to be.  I gave her something that belonged to my mom.  The way that I was looked at was that I might as well have burned in hell.

I got to see my grandson.  I got to hold him.  Now I want everyone out of my house and I don’t even get that.

I want today to be over.  And tomorrow to pretend today didn’t even happen.  But I did get to hold Tristan once.  And see Matt hold him.

1:59pm my time.  I just got home from the hospital.  Sam just left the house.  I can’t even deal with him right now.  

I. Held. My. Grandson.  

I will one way or another figure out how to post pictures I snuck with my cell phone.

But in my arms he found his fingers an sucked on them the first time.

Leopardditz, you need some sleep and down time for at least 6 hours.

It was the most awkward time I’ve ever spent.  Andie never looked at me at all.  I got the black belt in her silent treatment.  I even took out a family heirloom that I thought she would like to thank her.  I thought she was going to throw it across the room.  Matt kept trying to talk her down.

Her mom and sister refused to acknowledge I was even in the room.

I tried to talk the ex into letting me stay out in the parking lot and he wouldn’t let me.

Tristan Lee is 7.4lbs and very healthy.  Has blond hair just like his father.  I have no idea when I will ever see him again.  I kept trying to talk Matt out of letting me be there.  

I’m now done with males talking me out of things.  I think that is the 8 hours of sleep over the last 3 days talking.

I now make no sense at all and need to go to bed.  Tomorrow I’ll figure out how to post the picture of my son holding his son in his arms with me seeing it for the first time.

Need kleenex and am going to bed.