She is now pushing.  My whole house smells of lavendar (arometherapy) and milk duds because I can't stop eating them.  Its' 11:29 here. It will all over with by 3pm I hope.  I am so going to invent a grandma Lamaze class.  I keep thinking of all the miles I've burned off pacing.  Matt keeps sending me texts.  Right now, its all by gones.  I told him its not pretty and don't take pictures when Tristan crowns.  He's taken pictures and posted them of her in labor.  Sam is holed up in his bedroom.  I keep going in and getting on my stair step.  I think its a good thing I'm not there in the waiting room.  3rd box of Kleenex.

How did the hell I know when I woke up this morning "one step in front of the other" was going to have a whole new meaning?

PLEASE let Tristan be okay

All I can do is wait......

Its okay.  In in 6 hours you can all block me.

By 4pm PST, if nothing goes wrong, Tristan will be here.  At this point, I may even be repeating myself.  The only thing is that August sucked for me.  Mom died August 28th.  Dammit-she is laughing and rejoicing that she chose this month for my grandson to be born.  My July sucks but mom gave me an August to look forward to every year.  And the earthquakes now continue.  Now I'm convinced that mom is behind it.  

Oh no, another text.

Told you guys you would hate me.  But I went back to my bedroom with my iPhone after telling Sam the news about Tristan-he knew nothing.  Look on his face was priceless.  Thought I'd jump on Mouse Wait to see what was going on at Disneyland today.

All rides shut down.  Two more earthquakes.  I know nothing yet but am going to start checking out news websites.  I won't panic-hospitals have back up generators.

I admit.  Only I would laugh right now-My grandson is coming in today with a bang.

Dear Tristan:  Just make sure its atleast 2 hours away from us. This isn't funny.  Your great grandma was right-in So Calif this is prime earthquake weather.

I'm asking for your patience today.  Today you will get to experience what its like to live with me and want to send your condolences to my boys.

9:45 my time got a phone call from the ex-"did you know Andie is in labor today?"

According to my iPhone, we both got the text at 5:29am from Matt.  Ex didn't get it.  I know texting isn't always reliable.  I had texted him about a couple of other things this morning and got minimal responses-couldn't quite figure that out.  Didn't know if he knew what had been going on.

He doesn't know.  I played it off well.  I want to thank the Academy for giving me this Oscar.  He texted Matt just before he called me and Matt said her water had broken and she will start pushing in the next two hours.  The ex wants me to be there.  When we had our boys, my mom was the only one who showed up at the hospital.  His family didn't come to see the boys until a week later.  He wants to be supportive of Matt.  Again, my imaginary Oscar will sit on my mantle proudly.

I did go pick up the herbal stuff at Target that helps me sleep.  8 hours of sleep for 3 days-not good.  I wouldn't even trust myself to drive if Mandie and I were all besties right now.  Sam is up and in the shower.  I'll let him know.  I've been pacing the house since I got home and eating Milk Duds.  My whole room smells of lavendar.  I believe in aromatherapy.  I just have to hold on until I know Tristan is okay.  And then I can sleep.

Of course, Miss-who-cries-her-way-through-Christmas-Lifetime-movies-and-Hallmark-tv-commericals-but-loves-Quentin-Tarantino-movies started crying when talking to the ex.  They are happy tears.  I counted and I have 12 boxes of kleenex in the pantry.

The people I've gotten to know on my Disneyland on-line group are waiting with me.  Sending me castle pictures to keep me going.

Oh gawd, I'm going to keep getting mushier and mushier as the day progresses.  I'm hoping by 3pm today I will know baby T is okay.  I still don't know anything about the fluid next to his brain they saw on the sonogram at 4 months.  I'm sweating that out.

My dearest Tristan:  I have so much to say to you and so much I won't say to you.  But I will say to you that I already love you with all my heart.  I'm so happy you made it this where you were suppose to be.  And forget the drum set I wanted to buy you for your first birthday to drive your parents crazy-I'm going to win the lottery and hire Motley Crue to play for your sixth month birthday.

And your uncle Sam will play lead guitar and I'll make sure they will.

I got a text from Matt.  They are at the hospital and Tristan will be born very soon.  Since it was one of those group texts, I responded "do you want me to come?".  He said she's in a lot of pain and doesn't want anyone there right now.  I asked him to let me know later how Tristan is.  And I'm leaving it at that.  I don't want to sound like a cold-hearted bitch, but I'm not going to go to the hospital.  I'm going to go for a long walk and, in my heart, celebrate that today my grandson is being born.

And have a good cry.

Its a funny thing about us mom's-a lot of the times we are right.

Growing up, my mom always said that, whenever we would be having a heat wave, it was "earthquake weather".  She was right about 70% of the time.  Our first heatwave of the year and a small one hit last night.  Until the local news comes on, I'm not exactly sure what time it hit.  It was only about a 4.4 with a couple of 2.something aftershocks.  It was so hot last night in the house that I slept only in 30 minute increments and started my day at 2am. So either I didn't feel it or was asleep when it happened. People were posting about it on Twitter and also my Disneyland website when I got up.  I guess they shut down the rides immediately and walked people off.  The center was about an hour and a half to two hours north of me.  At one point, I woke up at 1am and heard Sam still playing a computer game so I'm anxious to see if he felt it.  Its just a way of life here.  I have my extra bottled water and supplies to last 3 days and replace them every other year.  I think the pets were too hot to even get excited about it.

The hot weather is supposed to last through Saturday and then it will cool down for a couple of days.  It always takes me about a day to get used to it.  The humidity is high, but I can live with it.  Its the darned Santa Ana's we get in the fall when its hot and the humidity drops down into the teens that I absolutely hate!  I end up in a short-term committed relationship with my humidifiers.  I close up all the windows.  The boys and their friends always complain that the house feels like a tropical jungle and they expect to see monkeys swinging through on vines.  Do I care?  Nope.

Knowing it was going to be a warm one, Buk and I were out of the house by 7am to go grocery shopping and to get him out while it was still cool.  I've got multiple fans set up on various levels including the floor to keep the pets comfortable.  Neko is the only one who really gets miserable.  Leon the Maine Coon cat with his big coat always hogs the fan on the bed-the boy is smart and knows what a fan does.  I plan for Buk and I to be out of the house early again this morning to go walk by the bay.  I'm going to try to work out in the yard while its still cool.  And then its paperwork day in front of fans-oh joy!  What I would give to blow my whole day off and head to my movie theater for several hours....

I saw the massage therapist yesterday.  As I pulled in the driveway, my neighbor came out.  I went over to her house for about an hour and then suggested we seek relief from the heat on my patio for the next couple of hours.  I so enjoy talking to her-we talk about everything under the sun and, fortunately, have the same sense of humor.  So she laughed with me when I told her I had discovered there are free sex apps on our iPhones.  Me being me, of course, was wondering do couples whip out their phones during the act to see what they want to try next???  We had a good laugh over that.  We are going to go try to see "Moonrise Kingdom" over the next couple of weeks.  Amazing cast.  Bruce Willis isn't even recognizable in it!  I think its going to get a Best Picture nomination.

Nothing new on the Mandie situation.  Which was nice.  I enjoyed a drama free day yesterday which was much needed.  That box isn't even being opened this morning.  its not that I don't care, but the craziness in their lives right now is. not. my. problem.

One foot in front of the other, Leopardditz, one foot in front of the other.

My computer is kind of giving me grief right now-running very slow.  So I'm hoping this will post.  I just spent two hours journalling about the Mandie situation.  I do this thing where, mentally, I put my problems in various boxes.  I take them out and try to sort them through.  Then I realize I've had enough and have to put them back into their mental boxes and firmly close the lid for a few hours.  So here's the brief update.

When Sam got up yesterday, he told me he had been getting texts from Matt.  He was no longer a member of our family and would be picking Buk up to have him live somewhere else.  Sam decided we both needed to get out of the house for a while, so he took me to see "Total Recall"-the movie theater is our escape.  Matt showed up yesterday to "talk".  He said he would leave Buk here with us.  Kept demanding to know how much of Tristan's life I want to be a part of.  I said as little as possible.  I realize now that it isn't my decision.  As of yesterday, Andie had decided that I will get to see him.  But I realize this can all change in two months, two weeks, or even two days.  So I will always have to walk on egg shells around her so I don't upset her in anyway and am denied access to my grandson.  Matt did apologize for what happened between he and Sam.  At this point, I still don't really want to be around either one of them.  I thought the drama would be over when they moved out.  He said that she has calmed down again, but who knows how long that will last.  Now he is talking about when they get married and her mom is plastering her Facebook with engagement ring photos.  I'm going to keep my mouth shut, head down, and put one foot in front of the other for now.  Take it an hour at a time.  Okay, closing the Mandie box for now.

Today is errand day.  I'm doing really well with my iPhone but still have problems with the touch screen.  I lost my stylus I've been using with it, so its off to the Verizon store this morning.  Grocery shopping.  Housework.  Massage therapist appointment this afternoon.  Stress really affects my back, so I'm doing everything I can to take care of it.  Ahhhh....the joys of heat packs in the summer!  Eating has become an issue-again, stress.  So I'm planning out a menu for the next few days to eat extremely healthy.  Get back on my "feeding schedule".  Tomorrow is backyard day and I've made a long walking date by the bay with Buk.  Its also "Big Brother" night.  Thank goodness I have that three nights a week!  I get so hooked on that show.  Money is tight right now.  Between grooming and the vet last week, $400 on Buk.  But he is cleaned up and comfortable for the summer.  His ear infections have cleared up and now he's on a once a month maintenance program for them, shots are all completely current, new flea program, and I got him micro-chipped.  I know the boy is taken care of.  I've really enjoyed having a dog again.  Matt mentioned yesterday they will be moving in a few months to a house and taking Buk.  I'm toying with the idea of rescuing a small dog then.  I don't know that I really want to go through little baby puppy hood-all the house breaking and chewing.  Its something I will think about.

I'm going to be losing my neighbor and it makes us both so sad.  Her house is being put on the market.  She has been the perfect neighbor and we've had so much fun together.  Plus, with as close as our houses are and the way we can see into each other's backyards, we respect each other's privacy and keep an eye out for each other.  I'm sure the ex will start making noises about buying the house again, but I will definitely put my foot down-just too darned weird.  I will miss her so much!

I know I'm going to get through this.  Sometimes life is great and then sometimes it sucks.  But I've learned that, during the sucky times, I have to create little moments that make me happy and so that I will get a few minutes of smile time here and there.  Yesterday it happened when Sam and I went to the movie. Sam laughed at me when the preview for "Paranormal Activity 4" came on.  My head goes down, eyes covered, and feet tucked firmly underneath me.   And then, because we both need money, we took what we call our "pirate booty" to the bank.  We throw all of our change into an old Disneyland popcorn bucket and take it in a few times a year. We have done this for about ten years now. We play a game where you have to guess how much you think is in there.  We divide it up between the two of us or the three of us, if Matt has been contributing.  Whoever comes closest gets $5 extra.  Over the years I have discovered if I weigh the bucket and its at least 11 pounds, we easily have $100 and base my guess on weight.  Sam's guess was $110 and mine was $150-it came in at $134 so we each got $2.50 extra.

It made me smile.

The Mandie situation is out of control.  Of course, I'm very, very upset about what is happening.  Andie has decided I'm not to know when she goes into labor or anything about Tristan.  I had expected that.  But what Matt did last night was unacceptable.  He and Sam were out shooting pool and decided to go get food.  Matt started yelling at Sam that he expected him to apologize to Andie for telling me what she did to Matt.  Then Matt spit in his face and made him get out of the car. Sam told me he actually thought Matt was going to hit him. I could tell by looking at him that Sam had been crying.  We are going to have to talk today about it.  I was so shocked by what Matt did and how upset Sam was, that I didn't ask any questions.  At 4am I decided I was going to change the locks to the house.  But I think the best thing I can do right now is not to react to what happened.  Let everyone cool down.  One thing I do feel very strongly about is I don't want to see Matt right now.  There is no excuse for the way he treated his brother.  I'm just going to take things an hour at a time-sometimes that's the only thing I can do.

Day 2 of the cold from hell.  Fever, coughing, congestion.  At least ScyFy was running a shark movie marathon yesterday.  Pissed off I didn't get to go see "Total Recall".  I've trained Sam well in the way of movies.  He was the one that told me this version is based off of the short story the original movie started from.  All the critics are loving it.  Matt and I are still not speaking.  Her hitting him was not okay.  Right now I'm doing the grown up mature thing and pretending I only have one son.  Sometimes you do what you have to do.  I'm grabbing another box of kleenex and going back to bed. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Sam shared.  Bless his little heart.

Asshole, I got your damned cold!

We both bonded over cups of tea with honey in them this morning.  However, we did make a movie date for tomorrow to see "Total Recall" and then go to Soup Plantation for chicken noodle soup.  I had Lysol'ed the whole house hoping this wouldn't happen.

I have to take Buk in for a recheck on his ear today.  Doing laundry so I feel like I accomplished something.  The sun is shining.  I'm groping for things that make me happy.

And the ex has decided to get snarky.  I don't need that right now.  He keeps reminding me he will be on a cruise ship in two weeks for ten days.  

Wonderful.  Be glad I'm not there with you.  Otherwise it would be....

....MAN OVERBOARD!