I. hurt. 

3 hot showers today.  Hot packs and frozen corn.  Motrin.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Why?

I was staggering down the hall to find Sam leaving the fridge door open.

And I laughed.

The look on his face was amazing.

Now I’m going back to bed.

The city is resurfacing my street for the 2nd time in two weeks.  Had to wake Sam up to move his car at 6:45.  Had another guy knocking at my door to let me know I needed to move my car.  Not going anywhere until 6:30 tonight.

And then I go get the crap beat out of me by my massage therapist.  Already have the heat pack out on the breakfast bar.

I have a lizard problem.  And the boys laugh at me.  Its not funny.  There is a lizard that lives in my flower bed.  How am I going to plant plants in there?  I freak out at clowns and reptiles.  I scream very loudly.  I now stomp very loudly when I walk on the patio.

My back is seriously hurting.  Been using my heat pack.  Tomorrow will be a hurt day.

Hoping the weather sucks where Matt’s going.  

Matt left at 7:30 this morning for 2 weeks in Nashville.  I was awake but didn’t even want to say goodbye.  Chaos needed to be gone.  And then the kitten came marching into my bedroom.  Andie showed up at some point last night.  She and the kitten left at 9am.  Sam had another gig today.  I’m enjoying my house all to myself.  And that is all I have at this point.  See you all in a couple of days.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by how great things (sort of) are going.  

I slept last night! 8.5 hours.  I woke up to sunshine and cats on my bed enjoying it.  Had breakfast out on the most fatabulous deck ever.  Sam and I headed to Target to get my bistro set for the patio.  Matt was working but complimented me on the yard lights.  Sam and I got the bistro set home.  So far he set up the table and one chair for me.  It was more than we both thought it was going to be.  I will do the next chair this week.  He is favorite son for a while because of him doing this for me today.  I even got to see his hair back in a pony tail today-he has the longest hair out of all of us right now.

We talked about Mandie-he’s so against it but in there for Tristan.  Also talked about his left-handedness.  Bot the boys are left handed.  My mom was.  I’ve een told that my kitchen and my closet are left handed.  Teaching them to tie a shoe? Hahahaha!  But Sam struggles with the guitar thing and being left handed.  

Tomorrow I’m sleeping in again (I hope) and then aking a cake and doing hamburgers.  Sam is off to a band thing.  I may go out and dance on my new deck when Matt leaves the Nashville.

They are already fighting and he stormed out of the house an hour ago.

I’ll have a big smile on my face tomorrow night at 7pm.  Until then, I’m hiding in my room but I can sneak out to my deck with all the solar lights.

Its dark and my yard is beautiful.

I need help.

Now if I said that to the boys, I would have to endure endless snide remarks from both of them.  The thing is that I cannot figure out how to post pictures to a weblog entry.  I don’t want to make an album.  I want to post pictures.  How else will I be able to share thousands of pictures of my cats to the world???  (Intentionally sounding like crazy cat lady just for the fun of it.)

I used to know how to do it on my old computer.  Then a few years ago Matt decided I needed an Apple computer where everything is built into the monitor.  I miss the old days of resting my feet on the tower thingy under the table.  And knowing how to put pictures on my weblog.  I’ve tried everything.  I hate technology.  I want a dinosaur and a stone tablet.  Okay, done venting.

I can’t wait until it gets dark tonight!  My deck is done and looks amazing.  Spent the day putting all of my solar lights out except for 6.  Have to see what it looks like tonight with 27 solar lights around my yard.  Fortunately, it was one of those rare sunny days here so they are all charged up.  I have 16 lights on my deck.  And the rest are the stake solar lights.  I got real creative and put the two fairy lights in the middle of plants so it looks like they are peeking out.  The hummingbird lights look like they are getting nectar from my plants and flowers.  When the boys saw how many lights I had been accumulating, they started teasing me that the pilots on the planes that go over the house would start complaining.  Matt even showed me a picture he took of the house the last time he flew to San Francisco.  Yup, there was my backyard.

Sam worked all day yesterday at the breakfast bar setting up his new guitar pedal board for his gig last night.  They played downtown and I guess there were about 300 people there.  His set up is getting quite impressive.  My favorite pedal is the one that he only uses at home so far.  It makes his guitar sound exactly like a huge pipe organ!  I always picture him as Captain Davy Jones from the “Pirates” movies playing his guitar in his room with his chin tentacles.  He knows several classical pieces that he plays for me when he uses it.

Sam has reached the same point I have-we are waiting until Monday when Matt leaves for Nashville for 2 weeks.  We want our house chaos-free.  ”Mandie” has a way of taking over the house and we are so tired of it.  They take up the parking places in front of the house.  Sam has tons of equipment he loads and unloads for his practices and gigs.  (I’m assistant roadie and do door duty when he is loading and unloading.)  They are loud when they fight.  There is always something going on that they end up involving me in.

No wonder sleep is illusive for me.

I’m tracking box office all weekend to see if “MIB 3″ knocks “Avengers” out of first place.  I’m going to see “MIB” one day next week.  Who knows?  I may also see “Avengers” for the 3rd time.  I’ve also locked in 3 Oscar predictions for movies that haven’t even been released but know they will be in the 8 that make it for Best Picture.

Two more hours of daylight and then I get to see what the backyard looks like!

Matt and I went to shoot pool for a couple of hours early in the evening.  For Sam’s birthday we got him a beautiful cue that we are both very envious of.  We each want to buy one for ourselves, but can’t justify spending that much money right now.  I have a rocking chair fund going for the grandson-have to be able to rock him when he comes to see me-and toy with the idea that I can get a pool cue and rock back and forth in a stationary chair holding him.  Then I feel like a bad grandma-to-be.

When Matt and I were playing pool, a couple of guys walked in the bar and started staring at him.  Finally they came over and asked if he was the photographer who shot the band with the guys on fire.  Its always kind of weird but yet I feel proud when I’m somewhere with the boys and they get recognized.  Sam isn’t as well known as Matt yet, but he is getting there.  Matt has autographed things for people (camera equipment, ads he’s shot in magazines), but atleast Sam gets a discount at his favorite fast food restaurant.  Everyone who works there are huge fans of his band.

I’ve been messing around for about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to upload pictures to a weblog entry with no success, and to change my profile picture-again with no success.

After the last 48 hours, I finally feel like I can stop and take a deep breath.  I’m the only human in the house, along with 3 cats, 1 dog, and 1 kitten.  Andie’s kitten has been moved in.  I feel like I’m just holding on until Monday morning when Matt leaves for a road trip with DC to shoot in Nashville, TN, for two weeks.  Sometimes I feel that his middle name should have been “Chaos” rather than Lee.

Life in a snapshot-the Mandie (their Hollywood name according to Sam) relationship continues with its ups and downs.  I almost snapped at her last night, but instead chose to leave the room quietly.  With everything that was going on at the time (boys’ friends in the room, cats and dog running amok), I don’t think anyone notice how angry I was.  She won’t come over at all while Matt is out of town which helps.  My deck should be done by Friday!  Buk and I will get our backyard back again.  I got a yoga dvd that I’m going to start doing on a daily basis.  Was doing it yesterday, and discovered I can now get up off the floor all by myself-no help from furniture needed-another milestone!  Matt confided to me that he is so scared about becoming a dad-”I won’t know what to do with him or how to take care of him!”  Told him to remember one thing-when changing the diaper, keep the penis covered at all times to avoid being peed on.  Everything else will fall into place.  The sun comes and goes.  I bought MORE solar lights for the backyard.  Will have a field day this weekend decorating my backyard!  The ex was disappointed when I told him he was NOT going to buy the house next door to me to live in.  Matt said it was downright creepy.

*sigh*

I could have slept until atleast 7am today, but got up at 4am to have some peace and quiet and to journal.  The body count at that point under my tiny roof was 6 humans and 5 pets.  But one of them was Matt’s best friend who I love dearly and hung out with just me for a couple of hours this morning before work.  We talked about everything and, as usual, managed to get into some mischief.

Today I’m going to work around the house, do yoga, enjoy the momentary peace and quiet, and work on Tristan’t baby blanket.  Tomorrow Matt and I take Buk to the vet-he has an ear infection.  We took him to the groomer yesterday which was an all day affair.  Sam and I took Leon the Maine Coon cat in for his monthly “manscaping” (rear end gets shaved and ruff around his neck is trimmed).  I have to go Friday to get my final furniture for my patio-table and 2 chairs so I can eat out there.  My patio is becoming another room in my house and coming together beautifully!  I’m so proud of it.

Last of all, I have a new tv show I’m addicted to-”American Ninja Warriors” on NBC.  Even I can’t believe that I’m so hooked.  But its got lots of guys doing parkour, which is something Sam introduced me to a couple of years ago and I love it!  I also put the dates for this year’s Summer XGames on my calendar.  Not because Matt will be photographing the event like the famous photographer he is, but because I block out that time and stay home to watch the whole thing.  My favorite event, for some reason and we can’t figure out why, is Step-Up.  Guys on motocross motorcycles have to jump over a horizontal pole that starts at 10 feet and moves up each time they make it.

Sometimes I have to go into my closet, look at my massive shoe collection, and remind myself that I am a girly girl at heart.

Hmmm….maybe this year I’ll watch Step-Up while wearing my Disneyland tiara to add some girlyness to the evening!

Yesterday was an epic day-there is no other way to describe it.

Saturday night I slept 7.5 hours for the first time in over 3 weeks!  When journalling yesterday morning, I scrawled “I SLEPT!” all over two pages in a very grown-up fashion.  I felt AMAZING!  This was definitely a day for a Leopardditz celebration.  So I put on one of my new long (down to my ankles) cotton skirts, layered t-shirts, and (wait for it, wait for it) put on girl shoes.  No Converse high top or leopard print tennis shoes for this first time since I got sick.  Metallic gold flats with ankle straps.  You better believe there was some twirling going on in the privacy of my room.  Decided to go see “Dark Shadows”.  9am and I’m running trash off before heading to the mall.  My mind is a million miles away, trash bag in had.  I step out the back door to throw it away AND HEAR THE MOST GOD AWFUL NOISE THAT MADE ME JUMP AND YELP IN A VERY UNLADY LIKE FASHION!

I look up at the palm tree in my backyard near the gate and there is a freaking squirrel hanging upside down screeching at me.

A squirrel in a palm tree???  Only in my world.

Called my neighbor next door-her fence is right next to my palm tree- and she came running out.

What followed for the next hour would have made a wonderful reality tv episode.  Trying to get pictures of it, trying to keep her cat and Buk the dog apart (everyone was in my yard), she’s trying on my cute shoes, my black and white cats are screaming at the window to get out and join the fun, Buk doesn’t know whether to watch her cat or the squirrel and looks like he’s watching a tennis match, her cat leaps in the tree to get the squirrel, she jumps over the fence, I sprint to get a broom to toss to her…..

And the darned squirrel wouldn’t shut up!

We. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing.

Off to the movie I go, iPod turned all the way up.  Bought some cute summer sandles (really trying to break the tennis shoe habit).  LOVED the movie.  I’m currently watching the original series on DVD.  Tim Burton gave so many nods to it that I kept picking up on.  Johnny Depp?  Ahhhhhh.  It was campy, it was funny, it was Tim Burton.

My credit card then took me out to a lovely prime rib lunch with cheesecake for dessert.

Then it was back to the real world.  I go home.  Sam and a friend are holed up in his room playing video games.  Matt and Andie are busy ignoring each other.

I did the only thing I could when wearing a cute outfit on a rare sunny day in So Cal-I jumped in the car and headed back to the mall to see “The Avengers” for a second time.  I adore that movie!  After the movie I was driving home when the eclipse started.  I accidently looked at it while driving and got a little freaked out.  Would I immediately lose my eye sight?  Made it home so I grabbed my camera, held it out the front door with my head turned and actually got a couple of really good pictures.

Girl stuff night in the bathroom (hair removal, gycolic facial peel).  It was almost sunset so I grabbed a robe and headed out to my “lounge” (i.e. my beautifully decorated patio) and we watched all the solar lights slowly start coming on.

It was a perfect day.

Matt and Andie hit town Saturday afternoon.  Right now they are pretty much staying at her mom’s house-why, I don’t know, and I’m perfectly ok with it.  They were there last night and the night before.  I get to get up in the morning and make as much racket as I want to.  He and I did go play pool for a while Saturday night-poor guy was so darned tired from working 17 hour days all week in Orange County.  I’m doing the “stick my head in the sand” ostrich thing and just going about my day to day business.  Hey, its working for now, and then I’ll come up with something else.

And they are home now

Yes, I have been seriously MIA.  But between the Matt/Andie situation and a couple of weeks of severe insomnia (brought on by the M/A situation), I had to check out for a while.  I know its bad when, on Monday morning, I can’t recite what each of the top 5 movies brought in at the box office for the weekend.

I’m not really going to go into it because I’m sort of trying to escape it at this point.  They are both in and out of town right now.  She at haircutting class and him on photo shoots.  When they are home and here, its a very combustible situation that can change in a matter of minutes.  I have to stop worrying and stressing about it-that’s not going to change anything.  Sam and I have had four lovely days of peace-they both get back tonight.  I actually got six hours of sleep all at once the other night!!!  They don’t know it yet, but the house they thought they were getting in June?  Now we are talking late July, early August.  And that’s when Tristan is due. I try seriously not to freak out when I think of the possibility of a fifth person being added to this household.  I feel there should be only one person in this house who doesn’t sleep through the night. When they are here, I’m now convinced my house shrinks in square footage.  But I’m doing the best I can to cope-that’s all I can do at this point.  End of discussion.

Sam and I went to see “The Avengers”! I can’t wait to see it again.  I have tracked that movie from pre-production to post production and knew all kinds of behind-the-scene stuff which made the movie even more fun to see.  Sam and I had so darned much fun that day.  Went out to lunch together and relived every moment of it.  Going to see “Dark Shadows” this weekend by myself.  VERY excited about that.

I’ve been redoing my patio and setting it up just the way I want it.  Hit Target and got some lovely wicker furniture.  Bought a few flowers for color.  If I can keep six plants alive for a month, then I will get more.  If I can’t, I’m going plastic.  No one can see it from the street so plastic would work for me.  But I’d love to have some flowering LIVE plants so I could have fresh flowers in the house.  Buk the dog has become my Assistant Groundskeeper (I felt he needed a title) and loves to spend time out there with me.  Yesterday I invented the Hose Game and we both ended up wet and muddy.  It was truly glorious!

I have a work crew in my backyard rebuilding my deck that’s right outside my bedroom.  I suffer from a severe loss of privacy when they are here.  On days when they aren’t here, Buk and I go out and reclaim the backyard.  But my new deck is going to be absolutely lovely!  I’m also making sure its childproof (vertical slats so they can’t be climbed like a ladder) so Tristan will be able to play out there safely in a couple of years.

Matt finally taught me how to put pictures from my digital camera onto this computer.  Now I just have to figure out how to put them on Xanga.  I have figured out Facebook though and managed to post a picture on there.

I’ve been doing a lot of yard work and using muscles that haven’t been used in months.  Also using my stair step machine a lot trying to reduce stress and hopefully sleep better.  Then this morning I swear if I had been looking in the mirror, I would have seen the light bulb turn on over my head.

I’m going to go get a massage today!! I. Am. Excited.  

We’ve actually had a few sunny days here and there which I love.  I got a bunch of solar powered lights for the backyard.  One I can see at night when I lay in bed-its a flower and it changes colors-so pretty.  I also got some for the patio which I can see from my kitchen window.  Now being the rocket scientist that I am, the first night they didn’t like up all I could think about was that I’d have to figure out how to change the batteries. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…..that’s right-it was cloudy all day. DUH.

I did get some of the coolest candles at Target that is my favorite thing right now.  They are 6 inch pillar candles that come in colors.  And they are fake and run off AA batteries.  And (this is the best part) you can set the timer so they come on they same time each evening and turn off 4 hours later!  They look real to me, even with my glasses on.  I got this cute lantern and put one in it on my wicker table on the patio.  I might not get out there every night to enjoy it, but I know its there and that’s good enough for me.

So not good here.  Matt and Andie have not stopped fighting.  They break up and get back together and then I walk out this morning to find computer equipment all over my patio and him blowing off a 3K job in Tecate to deal with her.  She rescheduled my day with her until Wednesday. And I could care less if she did my hair-I’m only doing this for her so she doesn’t get written up.  If it were not for the cats, I’d go stay in a hotel and take the money out of savings to pay for it.  He leaves for San Francisco until Sunday for a shoot.  He blows that one off for her and I kick him out of the house.  There is a 3rd person involved and that is their son which will be born in August.  I am so tired of having the front row seat to their relationship.  This isn’t going to last with them.  I honestly don’t know what to do.  And I’m suppose to carry on for Sam.  So tomorrow I will take a deep breath and take Sam to see “The Avengers”.  I’m separating myself from his brother.  I love Matt with all my heart, but he made a big mistake.  I will be there for him, but I have to step back and let him fall to a point.  I really hope, for Tristan’s sake, they can turn this around.  My neighborhood got crazy last night-blaming it on the moon-and I haven’t slept since 3am.  Cat fights and neighborhood fights.  I just keep telling myself I’ve dealt with worse.  The thing that really pisses me off is that her mom and his dad don’t even have a clue or want to even deal with what is going on with them-its all dumped in my lap.  I can hold it together until Tuesday when he gets his butt on the plane.  I’m not even thinking about Wednesday with her.  but I’ll pull it together and smile and do it for him.

Its what moms do.

They don’t tell you this shit in Lamaze class.