August 31, 2012
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Once again I’m getting back on my feet. You can knock me down, but I keep getting up.
August has been a very rough month with all the drama about Tristan, can’t see him, Matt and I fighting, the ex verbally attacking me. Both of them telling me the other is lying and Matt telling me that Sam lied to me, my mom dying 11 years ago a few days ago and for several hours all I could see in my head was she holding her great grandson.
I realize there are always 3 sides to every story. Mine, theirs, and the truth. And with all my trust issues, I’m really big on honesty and will step up and say when I’m wrong.
I shouldn’t have lost my temper with Matt the other night. But I can only take so much. And after so many years of pretending things are okay, its very hard for me to do. But I hope that, in a few months, he and I can talk and I explain that to him. The ex has become verbally abusive and I will no longer tolerate that. He doesn’t respect the boundaries I try to establish-basically, dude? We are not getting back together.
All I want is for Tristan’s sake, Mandie can get along. I truly feel its better that I’m completely out of their lives. For some reason, I’ve become the trigger that sets everyone off. I want Matt’s life to be as easy as possible and for him to be happy. And I want the same thing for Sam which is why I refuse to put him in the middle of all this. I know that Matt and I have the same tendency to be very over protective of Sam. But Sam is all I’ve got now. I can’t tell my friends about what is going on but my neighbor has been holding me up through all this. She witnessed the insanity of Mandie so I know I’m not making this up.
Okay-enough.
I got on the scale today and found out I’ve lost 10 pounds over the last month. Between the stress and heat, I can’t eat. Which means my energy level goes to zero. I went to the store at 6am-before it got hot-and got Ensure, fruit, veggies, and chicken to eat today. Nothing like taking a hot shower and then using heat packs during a heat wave. But if I baby my back today, I’m hoping for 15 minutes of my yoga dvd tomorrow morning. It will so help my back.
Looking on the bright side-Disneyland in October. ”Indiana Jones” with Sam next week. I honestly thought I’d give my ticket to Matt, but I need it. I’ll close my eyes and tuck my feet up underneath me during the snake parts. There is so much buzz about the Emmys and the Oscars on the Internet. Sometimes I have to lose myself in Hollywood to escape my world.
There is a “Flipping Out” marathon on Bravo today-I love that show! I want Zoila to come live with me. I have “Ally McBeal” for tonight.
And now a mushy moment-thank you for all your comments. They mean so much to me!
And I just got a brilliant idea because I need a small moment of humor-Chuckles needs his own Twitter.
Comments (4)
You sound like an incredibly strong lady and very devoted to your family, and I deeply respect that. Hopefully things will smooth over for you soon.
I know how you feel with the heat, just thinking of anything when it’s hot and you’re sweating makes me feel nauseated. I am soooo ready for the fall…not the winter, but the Fall cool breezes. Here, in NC, it usually doesn’t get that way until Mid to Late October.
Hope you have have a nice Labor Day.
@Imperfect_Perfection_Momma - thank you
sorry that August was so stressful for you — seems like all sorts of bad things happen at once — do hope that September will be an enjoyable month of recovery/healing for you… also hoping that the distance will give Mandie time to think & grow up a little … or at least Matt — don’t know about Andie … as for the verbally abusive ex — been there & good for you not tolerating it — you don’t deserve that … it’s good for you to lose yourself in something to escape for a while … been doing that a lot myself lately … i know nothing about Twitter … haven’t seen Chuckles in days now — maybe even a week … he should be really stuffing his face for hibernation … or perhaps he’s working on his hibernation den … miss his grumpy furry face… take care.
I like what you said about 3 sides to every story… I really like that a lot. I sure hope things calm down soon and you’re able to spend more time with Tristan. I know a lot of terribly hurtful things have been said and people’s feelings have been crushed….but I want to think that Mandie is hormonal and sleep deprived and stressed about income and responsibility and they’re not themselves. I want to believe that once the dust settles you’ll be able to have your special relationship with your grandson. :$ sure a lot of sadness out there, isn’t there :$