August 7, 2012

• My computer is kind of giving me grief right now-running very slow.  So I'm hoping this will post.  I just spent two hours journalling about the Mandie situation.  I do this thing where, mentally, I put my problems in various boxes.  I take them out and try to sort them through.  Then I realize I've had enough and have to put them back into their mental boxes and firmly close the lid for a few hours.  So here's the brief update.

  When Sam got up yesterday, he told me he had been getting texts from Matt.  He was no longer a member of our family and would be picking Buk up to have him live somewhere else.  Sam decided we both needed to get out of the house for a while, so he took me to see "Total Recall"-the movie theater is our escape.  Matt showed up yesterday to "talk".  He said he would leave Buk here with us.  Kept demanding to know how much of Tristan's life I want to be a part of.  I said as little as possible.  I realize now that it isn't my decision.  As of yesterday, Andie had decided that I will get to see him.  But I realize this can all change in two months, two weeks, or even two days.  So I will always have to walk on egg shells around her so I don't upset her in anyway and am denied access to my grandson.  Matt did apologize for what happened between he and Sam.  At this point, I still don't really want to be around either one of them.  I thought the drama would be over when they moved out.  He said that she has calmed down again, but who knows how long that will last.  Now he is talking about when they get married and her mom is plastering her Facebook with engagement ring photos.  I'm going to keep my mouth shut, head down, and put one foot in front of the other for now.  Take it an hour at a time.  Okay, closing the Mandie box for now.

  Today is errand day.  I'm doing really well with my iPhone but still have problems with the touch screen.  I lost my stylus I've been using with it, so its off to the Verizon store this morning.  Grocery shopping.  Housework.  Massage therapist appointment this afternoon.  Stress really affects my back, so I'm doing everything I can to take care of it.  Ahhhh....the joys of heat packs in the summer!  Eating has become an issue-again, stress.  So I'm planning out a menu for the next few days to eat extremely healthy.  Get back on my "feeding schedule".  Tomorrow is backyard day and I've made a long walking date by the bay with Buk.  Its also "Big Brother" night.  Thank goodness I have that three nights a week!  I get so hooked on that show.  Money is tight right now.  Between grooming and the vet last week, $400 on Buk.  But he is cleaned up and comfortable for the summer.  His ear infections have cleared up and now he's on a once a month maintenance program for them, shots are all completely current, new flea program, and I got him micro-chipped.  I know the boy is taken care of.  I've really enjoyed having a dog again.  Matt mentioned yesterday they will be moving in a few months to a house and taking Buk.  I'm toying with the idea of rescuing a small dog then.  I don't know that I really want to go through little baby puppy hood-all the house breaking and chewing.  Its something I will think about.

  I'm going to be losing my neighbor and it makes us both so sad.  Her house is being put on the market.  She has been the perfect neighbor and we've had so much fun together.  Plus, with as close as our houses are and the way we can see into each other's backyards, we respect each other's privacy and keep an eye out for each other.  I'm sure the ex will start making noises about buying the house again, but I will definitely put my foot down-just too darned weird.  I will miss her so much!

  I know I'm going to get through this.  Sometimes life is great and then sometimes it sucks.  But I've learned that, during the sucky times, I have to create little moments that make me happy and so that I will get a few minutes of smile time here and there.  Yesterday it happened when Sam and I went to the movie. Sam laughed at me when the preview for "Paranormal Activity 4" came on.  My head goes down, eyes covered, and feet tucked firmly underneath me.   And then, because we both need money, we took what we call our "pirate booty" to the bank.  We throw all of our change into an old Disneyland popcorn bucket and take it in a few times a year. We have done this for about ten years now. We play a game where you have to guess how much you think is in there.  We divide it up between the two of us or the three of us, if Matt has been contributing.  Whoever comes closest gets $5 extra.  Over the years I have discovered if I weigh the bucket and its at least 11 pounds, we easily have $100 and base my guess on weight.  Sam's guess was $110 and mine was $150-it came in at $134 so we each got $2.50 extra.

  It made me smile.

  • 7:49 am
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